So today I was REALLY hungry, and i waited about 3 hours beyond that. I was so hungry, so I ate some canned corn and left over cold fried rice from yesterday. EMM.. little nutritional value at all, but at least it kept me going, while i cooked something with at least a bit more filling.

So that got me thinking. Remember those dire student days when you're starving and searching for food? I was lucky, since i'm living at home now and there's stuff around the house.. but remember (or perhaps you're living it now) those days when you're busy studying or working on an essay due at 12:00 monday, and suddenly you realize you haven't eaten since you got up? And now it's dark?

When you're beyond the part where you're hungry anymore, but to the point where it comes BACK and you are starting to think a bit differetnly.. when the sarchasm increases and everything edible looks good; and the not-so-edible looks suddenly edible if you think about it. Let's call this the "Raccoon Zone".

Gosh, it's kind of sick how "resourceful" (err.. desperate) a starving student can be when you're in the racoon zone. Never mind speaking to them, since they're busy scavenging around the pathetic room called the student kitchen, where you only have sketchy canned equality brand legumes from probably the past students 2 years ago, old milk and tons of Mac&Cheese.. Thank goodness for that! I prefer the master's choice white cheddar, and in fact, it takes like fine diniing when you're eating it. But what if you're out of Mac&Cheese? What if the staples are all gone? That being:

1. Mac&Cheese
2. Mr. Noodles (or another brand)
3. Chicken Nuggets
4. Hot dogs / Burgers
5. Campbells Soup (or equivilent)
6. Pasta anything

Oh SHIT, you've waited too long to get groceries! Man, it was my roomates fault, dammit! What else!? Now what? No money to grab food? Here's a list of some of the things that i've eaten, or have witnessed my housemates "creatively" consume for dins:

1. Cereal - Can't go wrong here!
2. Canned Corn / Very old mysterious canned vegetables
3. Cutting the mouldy part from bread, utilziing the "it's still good! it's still good!!" homer paradigm
4. SPAM --- ok, i dono about this one.. but i've heard stories..
5. Melba toast
6. A roomate's leftovers - blame it on the guy who always gets blamed. If you're the guy who always get blamed, then when caught, say "man, why do i always get blamed? I need more respect in this household"
7. KD with Chocolate milk. oh my.
8. Your carepackage freebees -- never thought you'd eat that last package of [enter free promo proctor brand that's bombing and they're now dumping on students]did ya?
9.Entire package of hotdogs, raw (You know who you are my asian girlfriend!)
10. A healthy combination of pretzels, cheese and pickles
11. Frozen pack of vegetables -sadly, the mind wasn't thinking "put it in the microwave"
12. Tostitos, Toblerone bar, and some Chewable Vitamin C's -- need your vitamins.. perhaps not 6 though.. but at least it will go through the system!

wow the memories. No wonder why we all look like shit in our student days.
So do you guys have any others? May be even if you're living at home, i'm sure you've got stories. I've love to hear others (Ms. Lovely, i bet you have some wicked ones to share :P ).

Take care,

RE

"eat drink and be merry"

Happy Chinese New Year everyone! I know i'm a few days late (January 22, 2004), but i thought I'd say it before it's too long past. I spent the last weekend celebrating the year of the monkey (yes, my year--1980!) by eating.. and more eating. Over the weekend we had an appetizer dinner, consisting of just asian-inspired appetizers. We had tons of little dishes for everyone to eat, and it's funny b/c you don't think you're eating anything but suddenly you get full!

I spent most of the day (and some the night before) preparing for this dinner. One of the most time consuming dishes was a bite sized chicken wing dish. In a nutshell, i had to:

1. Cut off the drumstick from the wing (we used the rest for another time)
2. Take off the skin off each drumstick
3. Push the meat to one end of the bone, where it can stand on its own
4. Rub a mixture of corn flour, salt and pepper on the meat
5. Marinade the chicken in a Hoisin / Chili pepper / Ketchup type sauce.

Boy, that was a BITCH! It took about 2 hours total to finish preparing that dish! Luckily the rest of the dishes didn't take as long.

My mom's guests seemed to like all the dishes, so I was happy about that. My mom and i had lots of help from my aunts and a friend which really helped us speed up the process. It was a great night, and i'm happy that I was a part of it!

Celebrating at the local bar...
Over the weekend I also went out with some friends to a bar downtown. The night was going quite well, except that soon a giant student (what looked like 1st year) party came into the bar. They had booked the event, and had cover and automatic carding at the door. Luckily we were a bit farther away from the party, however soon it ballooned and went over to our area. The place got very very smokey, more so than usual. i was actually coughing repeatedly while i was there, which never happens! It was sick. My coat still steams of the smoke, days later!

I had a great conversation with a friend about my issues with the "left" side of the political spectrum. I have always seen myself on the socialist side, but the more literature and ppl i speak to who are apparently advocates of this mentality, the more I don't feel part of it. And as for the other side, well, I'm even farther from that. Right now I'm in the middle of major inner conflicts between my business and ethical spheres. Basically I love the creative/analytical side of advertising and marketing, but my ethical and community focus is inherently contrary to the institution which this career path works under. Sure, the ultimate dream is for me to market/advertise for non-profit organization (see JWT entry below), but right now I haven't found one yet. It's been plaguing me for some time now, and looking for comfort reading socialst/activist publications are clearly not helping my problem.

But a few friends that night gave me some of the recognition and encouragement that I really needed. One of them understood my issue with the left side, and infact agrees wholeheartly about this problem. Take affirmative action for instance. I understand the recognition for the oppressed groups in our society and giving them a chance, but is it really any better to give someone a job just because they're say, black? I am more an advocate for individuality and getting a job because of your unique abilities, not simply to reach ethnic quotas and "even out" the white playing field. A typical socialist would BLAST ME TO TIM-BUCK-TOO over such a thought, and perhaps even call me names like "capitalist pig" or "ignorant of the issues" or even "blind to the veil of white america". Bah. Anyway, i'm not going to go on about this issue, and i am not totally against affirmative action either. The reason why I brought this up is because my friend told me about a socialist group of intellectuals who WILL give realistic arguments and solutions that are probable. Affirmative action? well, when i asked him about that he said that a very strong black writer for the publication agrees with the same ideas as mine, in favour of individuality.

A small glimpse of hope sparked in the cloud of smoke in the bar.

Sure he was probably tanked and didn't know the impact of his words. He wouldn't know me well enough to be cognizant of the internal struggle I've been battling for the past few years, climaxing since exiting from university. But may be, just may be there are others who feel like they're alienated from the binary focus of our society, "LEFT" or "RIGHT". They understand finding a solution that is much more realistic, taking into account both the economic/capitalist and social/ecological impact. He even gave me some more support recognizing that he also believes that I am a socialist thinker, and from the conviction of his deep blue eyes there was none of that fluffy inflating for the sake of making me feel better shit. It was genuine. Recognition is something that should never be the root of your actions, but it can be a great reassurance when you are feeling down. Unfortunately he had to leave before we could finish, but the crux of the discussion had already been made.

A few other friends also helped me deal with the issue. What if i take a marketing job in advertising for a few years, still volunteering for NGOs and perhaps in 3-5 years then moving to work for a non-profit org, and of course pursuing my music dreams the entire time? Then I'll have more experience to bring to them (both work and volunteer), since they're not hiring me right now.

Would that consist of "selling out"? Giving into the corporate juggernaught? Taking the easy road? My friends agreed with my ideas, and understood my hard situation. I've been looking for good job for awhile, and have passed on a job recently. It's hard since i don't want to settle, but man, this grind is grueling.. and draining on the self. After dozens of interviews i'm left with where i am now.. Perhaps i'm aiming too high. All these 3rd and 4th round interviews are brutal and time consuming. Gosh, i remember the days of 1 interview, or getting a job b/c you simply have a close family friend or parent. Ah yes... :)

But at least I did get some understanding and reassurance about my inner conflict. Perhaps I will toss and turn less, helping me get more R.E.M. sleep at night... yea right. Since I'll still be awake until the sky turns from dark grey to light grey, I'll be sure to read the publication that has been recommended to me!

Take care,

RE

"eat drink and be merry"

So, I am a fool, and utter fool. I totally forgot that it was one of my closest friend's bday yesterday. I have no excuse, since i did know it was that day, and it wasn't like it was lying in bed dead. I wish I was, since that would be somewhat excuseable.

Man, i suck at remembering bdays! It's happened many times before, and I would think that I would learn from them, but apparentely not!

One day i'll have to have a little buzzer on the bottom of my foot that gives me a 50 volt shock the morning of someone's bday. 'Course, knowing me, i'd never program it, or i'd screw it up and it would just go off at random!

Alas, i am deeply sorry for forgetting.. SORRYSORRYSORRYSORRYSORRY. If you're reading this... I am forever in debt, and pls don't hesitate to forget mine in response to my lack of responsibility as being a close friend. In fact, I would probably fail my close friend (CF) test, seeing that i can't cite half of my friends' birthdays.. I'll know the month, so basically when it comes, i start investigating... silly eh? heh. Well, indeed it takes this dog many lessons to learn basic human deeds at times. So, in addition as punishment, you are thus entitled to the following, if you choose:

1. Say DMB sounds like elevator music in front of me!
2. Say my taste in guys is gross! (wait, you already do that)
3. Put me in call waiting repeatedly!
4. Take me to Wal-Mart!
5. Make me watch any romantic comedy, exluding ones with Julia Roberts or Hilary Duff!

I'm sure others are reading this and thinking, "Heeeeyy... he didn't remember mine either!" -- and to you, i am sorry as well... It's hard, and i hope we all have compassion for one another for forgetting. -- i know i am! :)

A bullet in the head,

RE

"eat drink and be merry"

So on Tuesday night my bandmates and I went down to check out a recording studio near Dundas and Dufferin. It was quite far away from most of us, but I did receive good word about this place, and that they're just starting up -- i.e. cheaper prices!

We entered what seemed to be an apartment style place, with a small opening between buildings that allowed for single-file movement and mailboxes for the inhabitants. After he opened the door we went downstairs to find that it wasn't a small apartment, but good sized concrete space that had yet to be furnished. There were a few couches, tools everywhere as well as a computer desk, which i assumed he had all his admin stuff for the studio.

He was a very nice guy, totally chill and was actaully an attendee at Waterloo University for computers or enginneering. He walked us down the hallway and into the studio.

Again, it was still in the middle of being converted, so there were still some things lying around and such. But this place had been a recording studio before, as we soon found out that the entire place was soundproofed. There were 2 rooms: playing room and a control room. As we walked into the control room, we were greeted with INCREDIBLE recording equipment. It was a sweet deal, and our drummer used to work at a recording studio said that his gear is one of the best stuff he's seen.

After a bit of chit chat, we decided to play a few tunes to try it out. It was totally a dry run, and in fact our drummer had only practiced with us once before, so it was new for all of us. The owner just wanted to hear us and see what we sounded like. We were quite rough, but i think he got the jist of it. I know we could do much better, so hopefully he doens't think that's what he's working with!

The best part about this guy is his openness and love of making music. Sure, we're clients and he should be this way, but man, the snobiness of tech guys / musicians can get overwhelming sometimes -- no wonder why so many of them don't get much business or don't have many friends! But this guy was different; he was cool :). I would definitely feel comfortable recording with him and see what music we can create.

Of course, the issue is money. He was willing to give us a rate of $20-$25 per hour, which is a terrific rate with respect to the high quailty recording gear he's got. I know that in a few years, with the proper management and growth of the business, he'll be charging upwards of $80/hour. He was also willing to give it to us for $200 a day, no matter how long we stay, or even sleep over if we wanted to. He was game for that too!

Information shopping all the way!
We did visit another studio in Aurora, and i'm glad that i still pushed to see this studio. I have been told that i'm an information shopper, requiring as much info and alternatives as feasible. So if we settled for the Aurora too fast, then we would have never met this cool guy. Even if we don't use the studio (we may just use our drummer's home setup), I'll still try and maintain relations with him for bigger projects. I'll probably keep my eye open for another studio, cause 3 is a good number eh? I've just gotta keep my ear to the ground and find some other new home studios.

I can't wait to get recording.. although we need to do some serious practicing w/the drummer, it will be great to finally have a tangible piece of product to hold that represents our music.

Take care,

RE

"eat drink and be merry"

I had a crazy week. So much happened that it's impossible to really cite everything in one entry. But i'll tell you some of the highlights.

Interview #1: HP
I had an interview with Hewitt Packard, in their rebates division in the beginning of the week. The job was not really for me, buti thought i still should go and see what they have to say.

It was all confirmed, when i realized that although the title was "Consumer Promotions Analyst", it was more about processing channel parnter rebates and building a database.

I received the offer, but decided to decline it because it was just too boring and i'd have the attitude to want to leave the second i got there... bad news eh? Also it's only a 3-month contract, and they didn't even look at my resume to see if i was qualified for the job.. i think almost anyone could do this job, and seeing that the interview was 15 mins, it didn't take them long to realize that i could do it :)

Presentation
I also had a presentation for the web project that i've been working for. It went pretty well, and it was exciting to get up ther and present to a group. It's been awhile since I've stood up in front of an audience before, and I was reminded why I love it!! It's invigorating!

Interview #2
This one was for a job out in Kitchener... Yes, I know, KITCHENER! Not my no.1 choice, however the job looked great and it wouldn't hurt to at least apply. The interviews went well, and in fact last week I had a second interview with the VP marketing.

The major issue was relocating. Do I honestly want to live in waterloo for the rest of my life? Although it sounds oh so enticing, I think no. I had a good talk with them about it, and they're looking for a long term investment, looking for someone to add to the family. She was telling me not hing short term like a couple of years.. And to me, a couple of years seems like a pretty long term to start!! I'm not looking to start a family or anything in Waterloo, so it looks like this job isn't for me.

Arugh. I was close though, and if they were based in Toronto I would be a prime candidate for them. Ah well.

Interview #3
This was THE job. WOW. It was for a division of a Global Advertising Agency, J. Walter Thompson called the Social Marketing Group. Basically, this division provides a boutique of integrated marketing communications services to non-profit and charitable clients. They are also working with global organizations such as the UN / UNESCO, to help kickstart social change.

The interview was one of the most difficult one I've had. It was a shotgun of three interviews in a row, all asking quite intellectual and political questions. They didn't even question my technical skills and assumed that I could do it. They were asking me social questions. Here's an idea of some the questions and answers in point form which I gave:

Interviewer: "What social issues do you feel are most important to you today?"

Me: AIDS in Africa, Sustainable Development in the "third" worlds, homelessness, Environmental pollution, Corporate Social Responsibility (transparency, governance)

Interviewer: "Many people say that the U.S. And Canada are very different, and some say they're much alike. I would like to hear your views on this"

Me: "As much as we would like to polarize ourselves from the U.S. (and at times define ourselves solely as 'NOT American!'), we are in fact very much similar to our neighbours, especially b/c of our economic dependence and political "follow the leader" stance. E.g. We followed the US supplied the guns to the Indonesian regime, despite our knowledge of the genocide committed by them on the East Timorese, and did this b/c we thought Indonesia was the next Japan for business development. Sure, we may be building schools and helping the country now, but we still turned a blind eye in the name of business a few decades earlier.

However, we are showing more political independence from the South by taking a public stance against the war on Iraq and gay marriage for example. So it's a start, but we've got far to go."

Interviewer: "So you took social theory in university. Tell me what social theories would help us find ways for social change"

Me: - Symbolic Interactionalist theory (showing to public that we CAN make a individual change, and dissolve the cesspool of complacency inherent in our society) and Marxist theory (let's not get into that, to spare you!)

So that's a snapshot. Crazy eh? There was NOTHING about marketing, or my skills.

The final interviewer basically said that they were looking for someone with the intellectual capacity for the position, and that this is no regular advertising job.

But reality set in, and I'm in fact a month or 2 late. They were 99.99% ready to give someone else an offer before they saw me. They only saw me as a favour to an amazing contact of mine who put in a good word for me. But they said that they were impressed, and I "would be put on file" as the cliché goes.

Even though I was rejected, I now feel totally filled up and feel that my skills can one day be put to a good cause. I love the creative and strategic aspect of advertising, but my morals consistently conflict with it, for example selling useless products to children or "hope in a bottle" for ageing women. This position utilizes my marketing communications skills to a good cause, for the sake of social change, NOT solely profit. WOW.

So I have something to aim for in a few years. May be I'll get there in 5 years, may be as soon as next year. One this is for sure, I'm not going to lose this contact info and I will keep a eye every week on the department to watch as it explodes in growth. I just can't miss the bus again.. Wow.

A break from the mess.. But not from the head
I also went to see the premiere of a movie called The Corporation, detailing the rise and dominence of the Corporation on our world; on our earth, or economy, our work, and our minds. It was showing at the Bloor cinema to a packed crowd. That showed to me how much interest there is in such a film, which is hoping to spread the same sort of awareness that Manufacturing Consent did for Chomsky.

About an hour and 45 mins into the show, something crazy happened. Part of the ceiling started to fall! It was just dry wall, but still, it hit someone on the head. (She was ok). And so the fire department and police came, and the rest of the film was cancelled. There was still 45 mins left, but I understood the safety concerns, and we do have a complementary ticket. Apparently it reopened for the late "dark side of the rainbow", so the excitement of the stoners waiting in line! :)

So it has been an eventful week (and I'm only highlighting some of the main parts!). I don't think I'll have one as crazy as that for a while..

Take care

RE

"eat drink and be merry"

The Phonenix turned out to be a great time! It was pretty packed, and they played some good old club102 music. For those who don't know about the Phoneix on saturday, basically it's a night of loud rock music that you would hear from Edge102.

I forgot about this night. It was awesome! I totally forgot about the calibre of hot guys there. WOW. Hot guys go to this event, and all i can do is look and admire the hot girls that have them :). I felt bad b/c I saw tons of guys looking at the friend I was with, but i was there.. I know that if she was by herself and walked up to any of those guys, she'd be scoring like no tomorrow! Her wicked hat was definitely the kicker :)

On the way to the club, i ran into an old friend on his way to the Madison. what are the chances eh? He was at a party at an apartment at Sherborne, and was just on his way. he was wearing some kickin' clubbing attire, which i did remember him mentioning in December last year. Geeze, it feels great to have stylin' friends!

Next up after a night of clubbing, we went to Belly Busters, which is the local Lawrence Park area sub sandwich joint. Emm bacon combo subs!! We ate 'em while watching Family Guy episodes, accompanied by some beverages and miss mary. I found myself up into the wee hours in the morning, eyes stuck on TBS and the food network after watching a few episodes of Family Guy.. heh

A Convo with a Creative
On saturday afternoon (before phoenix) I went to meet up with a seasoned Creative Advertising Director. He was the father of one of my friends, so i was grateful for him to lend me a little time over coffee to chat about the advertising industry.

He was very cool and easy to talk to; I was nervous at first, but later started to open up a bit more as the afternoon progressed. We chatted about anything advertising, whether it be commericals, the org chart of advertising, or just general thoughts about what it's like to be in advertising. He was honest and frank with me one many things, which I am happy for. I basically have no chance at being part of the creative department unless either i create some killer porfolio or go back to school and build one though there. But, I do have the credentials for the account management side. I need to talk more with someone who is IN account mgmt, since this director only knows his side of the business. He was very generous in offering find a bit more about that side for me, and perhaps get me to talk with someone from his company there. I'll probably give them a call late next week if he doens't get back to me, since that can be easily forgotten.

He also gave me some good ideas on who to call and what i say, so i'll get on that as soon as he calls me back with the info he gets (or telling his daughter to tell me). I just hope i can get it next week, since I have some other jobs on the go too. What go my blood really movin' was the development of a "social marketing group" in ad companies, specializing in advertising for non-profits. How incredible would what be!?! WOW!!

I may even consider thinking about the creative side as well. I know it will take shit load of work to get noticed, but it's still a possiblity. Who knows. I've always wanted to know if i can think of catchy taglines or ads, and whether they'd be any good! I know that I love playing with words and thinking up clever expressions, so that's a start..

..bah, what i am thinking. I'll try the account mgmt side first, and see what they say!

Take care,

RE

"eat drink and be merry"

This week is almost over, and I must say I've been quite busy. I've been working more on my website project more, calling people who don't have the time or desire to talk to me. Man, cold calling is tough. It can be quite stressful, since they think i'm some dirty salesmen who has this stupid idea that he's going to sneak one by them. Honestly, this sales/marketing job so far is basically volunteer, and i honestly believe that it can work. I had one principal show how smart they were when they "exposed" that I am selling a product to them.. Of course i am! It's a good service that actually helps students, but you're busy putting out fires that you don't want to give us a chance. I am thus reminded why i never wanted to work in the educational sector :). ARUGH.

I had an interview today, which went ok, so we'll see if i get a call back for 2nd round. If I do take this job, i will have to relocate. I'm not very happy about that, but given my situation I may have to consider it. It's not like i'll be gone forever, but at least 12 months for sure. I would probably move to Guelph, so that's not too far, right? Anyone want to room with me? heh. WE'll see if i actually get a job offer, then i'll actually put more thought into it. There's no sense wasting time and emotional anguish thinking about this so much if i don't even get the job eh!

The "itch" is back...
So it looks like i'll be putting on some headbopping shoes this weekend. I haven't been to a straight club in a while, so I thought it would be a good idea to get back out there for a change of pace. The gay club scene is fine, but then it's really only for gay ppl. I don't see many straight ppl going to such a club, and if they are it's probably just to support a friend who just came out or something. Going to a straight club will be a refreshing change, since i will only be focusing on the dancing, and not the sexual innuendo and shit -- i can look around for others! :)

The only thing that sucks is that lately these clubs play largely hip-hop GRINDING music. Yeah, you know, that jay-z/SeanPaul type of music that somehow makes your hips "fa-shizzle" with the person next to ya. At least at gay clubs they play DANCE music. Heh. I had a funny discussion about this w/a few friends ago, and we were yearning to go to a cool Disco club. Wouldn't that be fucking amazing?! Yeah man, put on some platforms and dance for the sake of dancing! AH well..

In light of this, I'm going with my bandmate to the on Satruday night. I've been there a few times before, and I thought it would be a good ease back into the club scene. Since it's hard rock edge102 night, it's definitely not the typical club, but nonetheless it will be a good time. I haven't been there in AGES! May be i'll go back to El Convento Rico one day too.. hrm..

Anyway, if anyone wants to join us, please tell me!

Take care,

RE

"eat drink and be merry"

I've changed up my website a bit, and hopefully you guys will like how it looks. I just hope it looks the same on your PCs as it does on my Mac :)

(apparnetly It DOESN'T look as like it does on the Mac, but more like puke mustard. Thanks MS Explorer! ..hopefully it looks better now than it did yesterday)

I have also just created a guestbook, so please take a moment to write in and post your website too!

Take care,

RE

"eat drink and be merry"

I've thought about this past year in term of what I've accomplished and learned. A lot has happened, and I am still in the middle of reflecting upon those events.

Graduation
Graduating with distinction at WLU was definitely a major event last year. The umbra framed degree represents the blood, sweat and pencil stains on my left hand over the years; the pinnacle of my academic career. In fact, i have a permanent hump on my middle finger from the years and years of holding pencils "the correct righty way". Arugh. Nonetheless, this achievement is something that I can say I stuck to since coming to Laurier in 1999. I didn't know if i would make it, but i did, without taking any large cheating short cuts on the way. I know a lot of ppl who did, and it's hard when some of them speak of the ease of their university career, but that's life. It will only continue later on, especially in music (i.e. Daddy owns this label and got me a contract) or in work (e.g. bad unions!).

The concept of friend
I don't speak of this often, but this is a time for reflection so i must touch on this subject because it is something that has caused me to rethink what i view as friendship. One of the things I try to do is include those who feel left out or are new to a group. I have been there so many times before, and it's so great to have someone to talk to and someone who will actively listen to what you're saying. Although I know that at times i spread myself too thin, but I try and make sure I can balance my friends as much as i can, and have as much quality time as our schedules allow. Even though some friends are seen more than others, i value each and every one of them because each person brings an entirely new perspective and a different life to mine.

It's funny b/c I may see some of my friends only once a month, but still feel connected with them, while others whom i see weekly can feel disconnected. I've found that it's not about delegating chunks of time with each person, but about realizing what quality time we want from each other.

All this babble is old news; I've already talked about this for many years. What caused me to rethink a lot of this is the value that *I* place on each friendship. I place a lot of value of many of my friendships, and I have harshly done this to easily and quickly sometimes. The naive assumption that the other values the friendship the same way as me is totally self centered, since they have their own lives and own priorities.

This year I need to also recognize this, and if there's a large disconnect between the value i place and the amount they place, then i need to re-adjust. I place trust, integrity and forgiveness as my three most important traits in friendship. Last year I realized that I put WAY too much emotional time and weight on a few friendships which only set myself up for failure and feelings of exchangeability. I learned so much from that, and now i need to be more realistic with my friends and give them the time to put effort into the relationship too. To be unconditional can sometimes mean to be taken for granted, and that needs to change. Don’t always make the effort, b/c you'll just tire yourself out, and make sure you're feeling as special as you try to make feel special.

Coming out.. yes, still more to go
I came out to one of my parents and a sibling this year, which is also a great accomplishment. The "what if" 1994 Robb can rest assured that it was not as climatic as he had imagined, and in fact it was quite anti-climatic. I am very happy that I was able to start to come out to my family, although i have a few more key members to go! I hope by 2005 this can be rectified, and i can finally be free of this burden!

Experimentation
I've also begun to explore my sexuality in more detail this year, and much too TMI to put in a public blog. As a wise friend used in an analogy, I have begun to process of "throwing darts" and learning from each dart that missed the bullseye. I am also realizing the difference between "match" and "compatiblity" of personality/interests, both of which require more darts to see what parts I need to be a match and what I need to be compatible in my partner.

Music
In 2003 my band started to poke its face out. We played at 2 festivals, have started to meet musicians and have played 3 gigs in Toronto. We're in the middle of setting up our website, invited to play at a book launch in late January, and have investigated recording studios in the GTA. It will be a long road, but we're at least walking it and not taking the conformity bus. I think so far we've done a lot but have so much more to go. It's great doing this and pushing to play and make sure that playing music will always be a part of my life. I keep thinking "time is ticking, time is ticking" but to be honest, most my most respected artists did not take off until their late 20s early 30s. This panic is driven by all the manufactured Hillary Buffs and Britney Spoob teen sensations out there, who are all celebrating being able to drink for the first time. Arugh.

Reconnecting Relationships
Similar to a few of the previous reflections, since being back home from WLU in September I have been able to rekindle many of the relationships which have been deteriorating at university. I have met up with some old classmates, have become much closer to my sister, and reconnecting with old best friends who are here in Toronto. It has definitely been a season of reconnecting. I feel very special in the friends that i have right now, and totally lucky to be able to share my life with them [enter mellancholic piano and weeping violin music] :)

So those are some of the main things that have happened in my life last year. There are so many more, but we'd be here all day! So what about this new year?

Resolving for 2004...
I actually don't have much to resolve for this year. Let's see..

1. Volunteer much much much more, working toward at least once a week.
2. Get a job you are content with!
3. Focus on my love and music and support new artists
4. Start organizing my files for 2004 in a nice and neat filing box. I can have warranties, receipts etc., sorted by month. Oh, and also get Quicken or an equivilent money manager for my Mac, so i can sync up my spreadsheet with my PC and CIBC accounts online. How wicked would that be? (nerd alert nerd alert!)
5. Eat drink and be merry.

That's about it. Boring eh? The usual "eat healthy" and "exercise" to me don't need to start in January. It's an ongoing thing, and lately I've been having more issues with my stomach, so it tells me that I've got to be even more careful about what I eat, and more importantly the QUANTITY and SPEED of which I eat! That about sums it up nicely.

....and of course more and more DMB shows :)

So, what do you think? What about you? Anything i've missed, or you would like to say?

Take care,

RE

"New Years will bring so much to say..." -FSF

Happy New Year!!I wish you all the best of luck this year. I hope everyone had a good new years eve celebration, whether it be at a club, at home, a house party, or whatever - as long as you had a good time!

My New Year's Eve...
I spent my new years at a friend's house, who was having a friends/family party. It was great b/c there was lots of food! I knew most of his family, and it was totally not like the usual "adults here - kids here" type of party.. everyone was chill, and ppl kept popping in and out. It was a social hub of Scarborough, that's for sure!

We actually ended up playing some late night Cranium - that's right, yet again this party game pokes it's purple brain at me. I was the only person who had played it before, and at first it was hard to get everyone involved. That is usually the case though, b/c ppl don't want to commit in a party atmosphere..

..But Cramium pulled through, and it seemed that everyone had a good time. People who said "I'll just play for a bit" stayed for the duration of the game, and soon more joined in.

Overall it was a great night, and definitely one to remember! No dirty clubs and freezing my tits off for a taxi, indeed!

Take care,

RE

"eat drink and be merry"