I've thought about this past year in term of what I've accomplished and learned. A lot has happened, and I am still in the middle of reflecting upon those events.

Graduation
Graduating with distinction at WLU was definitely a major event last year. The umbra framed degree represents the blood, sweat and pencil stains on my left hand over the years; the pinnacle of my academic career. In fact, i have a permanent hump on my middle finger from the years and years of holding pencils "the correct righty way". Arugh. Nonetheless, this achievement is something that I can say I stuck to since coming to Laurier in 1999. I didn't know if i would make it, but i did, without taking any large cheating short cuts on the way. I know a lot of ppl who did, and it's hard when some of them speak of the ease of their university career, but that's life. It will only continue later on, especially in music (i.e. Daddy owns this label and got me a contract) or in work (e.g. bad unions!).

The concept of friend
I don't speak of this often, but this is a time for reflection so i must touch on this subject because it is something that has caused me to rethink what i view as friendship. One of the things I try to do is include those who feel left out or are new to a group. I have been there so many times before, and it's so great to have someone to talk to and someone who will actively listen to what you're saying. Although I know that at times i spread myself too thin, but I try and make sure I can balance my friends as much as i can, and have as much quality time as our schedules allow. Even though some friends are seen more than others, i value each and every one of them because each person brings an entirely new perspective and a different life to mine.

It's funny b/c I may see some of my friends only once a month, but still feel connected with them, while others whom i see weekly can feel disconnected. I've found that it's not about delegating chunks of time with each person, but about realizing what quality time we want from each other.

All this babble is old news; I've already talked about this for many years. What caused me to rethink a lot of this is the value that *I* place on each friendship. I place a lot of value of many of my friendships, and I have harshly done this to easily and quickly sometimes. The naive assumption that the other values the friendship the same way as me is totally self centered, since they have their own lives and own priorities.

This year I need to also recognize this, and if there's a large disconnect between the value i place and the amount they place, then i need to re-adjust. I place trust, integrity and forgiveness as my three most important traits in friendship. Last year I realized that I put WAY too much emotional time and weight on a few friendships which only set myself up for failure and feelings of exchangeability. I learned so much from that, and now i need to be more realistic with my friends and give them the time to put effort into the relationship too. To be unconditional can sometimes mean to be taken for granted, and that needs to change. Don’t always make the effort, b/c you'll just tire yourself out, and make sure you're feeling as special as you try to make feel special.

Coming out.. yes, still more to go
I came out to one of my parents and a sibling this year, which is also a great accomplishment. The "what if" 1994 Robb can rest assured that it was not as climatic as he had imagined, and in fact it was quite anti-climatic. I am very happy that I was able to start to come out to my family, although i have a few more key members to go! I hope by 2005 this can be rectified, and i can finally be free of this burden!

Experimentation
I've also begun to explore my sexuality in more detail this year, and much too TMI to put in a public blog. As a wise friend used in an analogy, I have begun to process of "throwing darts" and learning from each dart that missed the bullseye. I am also realizing the difference between "match" and "compatiblity" of personality/interests, both of which require more darts to see what parts I need to be a match and what I need to be compatible in my partner.

Music
In 2003 my band started to poke its face out. We played at 2 festivals, have started to meet musicians and have played 3 gigs in Toronto. We're in the middle of setting up our website, invited to play at a book launch in late January, and have investigated recording studios in the GTA. It will be a long road, but we're at least walking it and not taking the conformity bus. I think so far we've done a lot but have so much more to go. It's great doing this and pushing to play and make sure that playing music will always be a part of my life. I keep thinking "time is ticking, time is ticking" but to be honest, most my most respected artists did not take off until their late 20s early 30s. This panic is driven by all the manufactured Hillary Buffs and Britney Spoob teen sensations out there, who are all celebrating being able to drink for the first time. Arugh.

Reconnecting Relationships
Similar to a few of the previous reflections, since being back home from WLU in September I have been able to rekindle many of the relationships which have been deteriorating at university. I have met up with some old classmates, have become much closer to my sister, and reconnecting with old best friends who are here in Toronto. It has definitely been a season of reconnecting. I feel very special in the friends that i have right now, and totally lucky to be able to share my life with them [enter mellancholic piano and weeping violin music] :)

So those are some of the main things that have happened in my life last year. There are so many more, but we'd be here all day! So what about this new year?

Resolving for 2004...
I actually don't have much to resolve for this year. Let's see..

1. Volunteer much much much more, working toward at least once a week.
2. Get a job you are content with!
3. Focus on my love and music and support new artists
4. Start organizing my files for 2004 in a nice and neat filing box. I can have warranties, receipts etc., sorted by month. Oh, and also get Quicken or an equivilent money manager for my Mac, so i can sync up my spreadsheet with my PC and CIBC accounts online. How wicked would that be? (nerd alert nerd alert!)
5. Eat drink and be merry.

That's about it. Boring eh? The usual "eat healthy" and "exercise" to me don't need to start in January. It's an ongoing thing, and lately I've been having more issues with my stomach, so it tells me that I've got to be even more careful about what I eat, and more importantly the QUANTITY and SPEED of which I eat! That about sums it up nicely.

....and of course more and more DMB shows :)

So, what do you think? What about you? Anything i've missed, or you would like to say?

Take care,

RE

"New Years will bring so much to say..." -FSF