Happy Chinese New Year everyone! I know i'm a few days late (January 22, 2004), but i thought I'd say it before it's too long past. I spent the last weekend celebrating the year of the monkey (yes, my year--1980!) by eating.. and more eating. Over the weekend we had an appetizer dinner, consisting of just asian-inspired appetizers. We had tons of little dishes for everyone to eat, and it's funny b/c you don't think you're eating anything but suddenly you get full!

I spent most of the day (and some the night before) preparing for this dinner. One of the most time consuming dishes was a bite sized chicken wing dish. In a nutshell, i had to:

1. Cut off the drumstick from the wing (we used the rest for another time)
2. Take off the skin off each drumstick
3. Push the meat to one end of the bone, where it can stand on its own
4. Rub a mixture of corn flour, salt and pepper on the meat
5. Marinade the chicken in a Hoisin / Chili pepper / Ketchup type sauce.

Boy, that was a BITCH! It took about 2 hours total to finish preparing that dish! Luckily the rest of the dishes didn't take as long.

My mom's guests seemed to like all the dishes, so I was happy about that. My mom and i had lots of help from my aunts and a friend which really helped us speed up the process. It was a great night, and i'm happy that I was a part of it!

Celebrating at the local bar...
Over the weekend I also went out with some friends to a bar downtown. The night was going quite well, except that soon a giant student (what looked like 1st year) party came into the bar. They had booked the event, and had cover and automatic carding at the door. Luckily we were a bit farther away from the party, however soon it ballooned and went over to our area. The place got very very smokey, more so than usual. i was actually coughing repeatedly while i was there, which never happens! It was sick. My coat still steams of the smoke, days later!

I had a great conversation with a friend about my issues with the "left" side of the political spectrum. I have always seen myself on the socialist side, but the more literature and ppl i speak to who are apparently advocates of this mentality, the more I don't feel part of it. And as for the other side, well, I'm even farther from that. Right now I'm in the middle of major inner conflicts between my business and ethical spheres. Basically I love the creative/analytical side of advertising and marketing, but my ethical and community focus is inherently contrary to the institution which this career path works under. Sure, the ultimate dream is for me to market/advertise for non-profit organization (see JWT entry below), but right now I haven't found one yet. It's been plaguing me for some time now, and looking for comfort reading socialst/activist publications are clearly not helping my problem.

But a few friends that night gave me some of the recognition and encouragement that I really needed. One of them understood my issue with the left side, and infact agrees wholeheartly about this problem. Take affirmative action for instance. I understand the recognition for the oppressed groups in our society and giving them a chance, but is it really any better to give someone a job just because they're say, black? I am more an advocate for individuality and getting a job because of your unique abilities, not simply to reach ethnic quotas and "even out" the white playing field. A typical socialist would BLAST ME TO TIM-BUCK-TOO over such a thought, and perhaps even call me names like "capitalist pig" or "ignorant of the issues" or even "blind to the veil of white america". Bah. Anyway, i'm not going to go on about this issue, and i am not totally against affirmative action either. The reason why I brought this up is because my friend told me about a socialist group of intellectuals who WILL give realistic arguments and solutions that are probable. Affirmative action? well, when i asked him about that he said that a very strong black writer for the publication agrees with the same ideas as mine, in favour of individuality.

A small glimpse of hope sparked in the cloud of smoke in the bar.

Sure he was probably tanked and didn't know the impact of his words. He wouldn't know me well enough to be cognizant of the internal struggle I've been battling for the past few years, climaxing since exiting from university. But may be, just may be there are others who feel like they're alienated from the binary focus of our society, "LEFT" or "RIGHT". They understand finding a solution that is much more realistic, taking into account both the economic/capitalist and social/ecological impact. He even gave me some more support recognizing that he also believes that I am a socialist thinker, and from the conviction of his deep blue eyes there was none of that fluffy inflating for the sake of making me feel better shit. It was genuine. Recognition is something that should never be the root of your actions, but it can be a great reassurance when you are feeling down. Unfortunately he had to leave before we could finish, but the crux of the discussion had already been made.

A few other friends also helped me deal with the issue. What if i take a marketing job in advertising for a few years, still volunteering for NGOs and perhaps in 3-5 years then moving to work for a non-profit org, and of course pursuing my music dreams the entire time? Then I'll have more experience to bring to them (both work and volunteer), since they're not hiring me right now.

Would that consist of "selling out"? Giving into the corporate juggernaught? Taking the easy road? My friends agreed with my ideas, and understood my hard situation. I've been looking for good job for awhile, and have passed on a job recently. It's hard since i don't want to settle, but man, this grind is grueling.. and draining on the self. After dozens of interviews i'm left with where i am now.. Perhaps i'm aiming too high. All these 3rd and 4th round interviews are brutal and time consuming. Gosh, i remember the days of 1 interview, or getting a job b/c you simply have a close family friend or parent. Ah yes... :)

But at least I did get some understanding and reassurance about my inner conflict. Perhaps I will toss and turn less, helping me get more R.E.M. sleep at night... yea right. Since I'll still be awake until the sky turns from dark grey to light grey, I'll be sure to read the publication that has been recommended to me!

Take care,

RE

"eat drink and be merry"