Last week I was at Montana's Bar with my partner's dance group. I haven't been to Montana's in a long time, and the last time this bar/restaurant was in my mind was during an episode of "Resaurant Makeover".

Anyway, the place was mostly as I remembered: Spacious, ranch-like rustic and a bit tacky. Age demographic skews a bit older, late 20s - mid 30s group. Bachelorette parties, work socials, and your typical lot of "girls night out" crews. Instead of a typical girls night out, they were more like quarterly-we-dont-get-out-like-we-used-to girls night out groups.

DJ was brutal with an attention span of a fruit fly with A.D.D. It got to a point where he'd play 8-bars of a song before moving onto the next time. I don't think I heard verse 2 of any song for a span of 25 mins; the streak was broken for "Summer of 69". YES!

Sometimes I forget that i'm a straight bar until I realize the drunk, slimy men hanging around the bar AREN'T looking for twinky boi meat, but instead for any girl in the room deperate enough to give them any attention. We had one of those slimballs tenaciously hovering by us, looking for one of our hot dancers to give him the time of day. One word of advice:

IF YOU LOOK AT HER FACE, NOT HER ASS, YOU MAY GET SOME ATTENTION.

Oi. Girls 101 is what these guys need. Well, more like a blow up doll.. Actually, there was a group of girls-night-out girls dancing on stage that had them occupied for most of the night. Finally, a purpose for exhibitionist girls!

But all in all, I had a pretty good time while I was there. It's good to get out dancing. At a bar like Montana's, there's no presure (at least for me) on anything other than just dancing. I know many have alteriour motives, but since i'm not at a gay bar my radar is off...!

Highlight/Lowlight of the night: Being an undercover straight man! -Let's set the stage:
MANLY - Drunk guy
Agent QbStraight - Me

Scene: Line up for coat check. The older people are beginning to leave in replace for the younger university crowd. Result is really long line full of people who want to dump their jackets and pople who want to pick up their jackets. Endomorph in baseball hat walks up to AQbS, who's near the front of the line.

MANLY (buzzed, walking homey like, speaking in a deep voice):
Hey man.

AQbS (looks over...):
Hey.

MANLY:
Is this the coat check line man?

AQbS:
Yeah.

MANLY (looks at long line in disbelief. Puts both hands on head):
Oh dude. So..I picked up this chick, right. And I like need to take her home like now man.. you know what I mean eh?

AQS (rolls eyes before looking back at the guy)
Uhh yeah.. well--

MANLY
--So yeah man.. you know eh! (1/2 smirk) So can i line up behind you? We gotta leave fast bro.

AQbS (can't believe he's part of all the beer commercials he despises)
Yeah man, i know what you mean. As long as you go behind me, I don't mind.

MANLY
Sweet man!

MANLY proceeds to talk it up with the guy behind AQbS who is standing alone. The guy agrees to let him in - they do the 3-move hand shake w/foreharm thrust together, as part of the "man code". MANLY vanishes and soon returns with the girl.

MANLY (voice spoken an octave higher, brightly)
So yeah! We can line up here!

GIRL
Really? They don't mind?

MANLY
No, it's all good (gives the guys a brother-like look). So, do you want another drink?

GIRL
No, I'm really tired. I have to work tomorrow at 9AM.

MANLY
Ah, that's no problem! (smiles brightly) I gotta get up at 8AM tomorrow too and I'm going to have another drink! Don't worry about it!! (gives warm smile)

GIRL
Thanks, but i'm really tired. I just want to go home.

MANLY
OK.. but cmon...

Etc etc etc etc! I was going to be SICK! Not only does this dude pull the low voice "brotherhood hunter" thing to jump the line, but it was all for nothing. He wasn't getting SHIT man. I had a better chance of getting with this girl than this dink. I forgot how 2-faced some guys can be; he was so different w/the girl than he was with "the boys". I'm sure she saw through it - hey, for her, why not use this guy to jump the line, eh? No problem there. She promised nothing with this loser, so why not capitalize on it.

All i see was her getting the jacket, giving him a fake number, and taking the taxi ALONE. Way to go chap!! Then you can complain w/your buddies that you didn't get any "panty" that night afterwards. OH well. Off to the next set of tits.

Gotta love "courting" in the 21st century :)

Take care,
RE

"eat drink and be merry"