Right now I’m listening to some classical music while I write yet another agency brief at work. I thought i’d listen to some classical to get my creative juices flowing as I write it. Of course, the reverse has happened, and as it always is with me. When any music is playing in the background it soon becomes at the forefront in my brain. So much for Mozart and productivity theory!

I've got Franz Schubert’s Klaviersonate in D playing my ipod. Ask me to identify this tune in 10 mins., and I’ll have no idea. I don’t know what it is, but my memory with classical music is a sieve.

My partner, on the other hand, is able to pinpoint composers, pieces and sometimes the performer in the classical music genre. We can listen to the classical station on the radio, and hear some chap playing a few notes on the piano and suddenly he’ll know exactly whom it is. Insanity.

I also met someone else with similar music savant abilities. It just boggles my mind. From my classical experience over the years, I’ve been able to decipher baroque b/c they use the harpsichord. Great, so after 26 years I can tell if something was in the 1600s, OR in the late 1700s or so. Sweet.

I have enough trouble getting to know music in the last 30 years, let alone music that spanned hundreds of years! There’s got to be something i’m missing out here. Perhaps it’s piano training as a kid. That could be it. Sitting and mapping out the timelines and key players in the music scene at the time. Through learning the instrument of which classical music was based on, coupled with eye-gauging musical history/theory may be then you’d get a sense of “pop stars” of the classics – and that’s what’s probably still being playing on the classical radio. I doubt there’s many “indie classical” DJs out there, but you can never tell with any graveyard shift jockeys.

So who is the Britney of classical? Beethoven? Too tragic and talented; he’s more like Kurt Cobain. Haydn? Too religious, however he was grossly repetitive and long-winded – Creed. No, it’s probably Bach with his 20+ children with a number of wives.

There’s got to be some point of reference to work from. The ominous ambiguity and ooze of sophistication that classical music has still plays over me. One day I’ll crack the code and correlate the music to boy bands, country singers and rock bands!

Take care,
RE

"eat drink and be merry"

Last week I was at Montana's Bar with my partner's dance group. I haven't been to Montana's in a long time, and the last time this bar/restaurant was in my mind was during an episode of "Resaurant Makeover".

Anyway, the place was mostly as I remembered: Spacious, ranch-like rustic and a bit tacky. Age demographic skews a bit older, late 20s - mid 30s group. Bachelorette parties, work socials, and your typical lot of "girls night out" crews. Instead of a typical girls night out, they were more like quarterly-we-dont-get-out-like-we-used-to girls night out groups.

DJ was brutal with an attention span of a fruit fly with A.D.D. It got to a point where he'd play 8-bars of a song before moving onto the next time. I don't think I heard verse 2 of any song for a span of 25 mins; the streak was broken for "Summer of 69". YES!

Sometimes I forget that i'm a straight bar until I realize the drunk, slimy men hanging around the bar AREN'T looking for twinky boi meat, but instead for any girl in the room deperate enough to give them any attention. We had one of those slimballs tenaciously hovering by us, looking for one of our hot dancers to give him the time of day. One word of advice:

IF YOU LOOK AT HER FACE, NOT HER ASS, YOU MAY GET SOME ATTENTION.

Oi. Girls 101 is what these guys need. Well, more like a blow up doll.. Actually, there was a group of girls-night-out girls dancing on stage that had them occupied for most of the night. Finally, a purpose for exhibitionist girls!

But all in all, I had a pretty good time while I was there. It's good to get out dancing. At a bar like Montana's, there's no presure (at least for me) on anything other than just dancing. I know many have alteriour motives, but since i'm not at a gay bar my radar is off...!

Highlight/Lowlight of the night: Being an undercover straight man! -Let's set the stage:
MANLY - Drunk guy
Agent QbStraight - Me

Scene: Line up for coat check. The older people are beginning to leave in replace for the younger university crowd. Result is really long line full of people who want to dump their jackets and pople who want to pick up their jackets. Endomorph in baseball hat walks up to AQbS, who's near the front of the line.

MANLY (buzzed, walking homey like, speaking in a deep voice):
Hey man.

AQbS (looks over...):
Hey.

MANLY:
Is this the coat check line man?

AQbS:
Yeah.

MANLY (looks at long line in disbelief. Puts both hands on head):
Oh dude. So..I picked up this chick, right. And I like need to take her home like now man.. you know what I mean eh?

AQS (rolls eyes before looking back at the guy)
Uhh yeah.. well--

MANLY
--So yeah man.. you know eh! (1/2 smirk) So can i line up behind you? We gotta leave fast bro.

AQbS (can't believe he's part of all the beer commercials he despises)
Yeah man, i know what you mean. As long as you go behind me, I don't mind.

MANLY
Sweet man!

MANLY proceeds to talk it up with the guy behind AQbS who is standing alone. The guy agrees to let him in - they do the 3-move hand shake w/foreharm thrust together, as part of the "man code". MANLY vanishes and soon returns with the girl.

MANLY (voice spoken an octave higher, brightly)
So yeah! We can line up here!

GIRL
Really? They don't mind?

MANLY
No, it's all good (gives the guys a brother-like look). So, do you want another drink?

GIRL
No, I'm really tired. I have to work tomorrow at 9AM.

MANLY
Ah, that's no problem! (smiles brightly) I gotta get up at 8AM tomorrow too and I'm going to have another drink! Don't worry about it!! (gives warm smile)

GIRL
Thanks, but i'm really tired. I just want to go home.

MANLY
OK.. but cmon...

Etc etc etc etc! I was going to be SICK! Not only does this dude pull the low voice "brotherhood hunter" thing to jump the line, but it was all for nothing. He wasn't getting SHIT man. I had a better chance of getting with this girl than this dink. I forgot how 2-faced some guys can be; he was so different w/the girl than he was with "the boys". I'm sure she saw through it - hey, for her, why not use this guy to jump the line, eh? No problem there. She promised nothing with this loser, so why not capitalize on it.

All i see was her getting the jacket, giving him a fake number, and taking the taxi ALONE. Way to go chap!! Then you can complain w/your buddies that you didn't get any "panty" that night afterwards. OH well. Off to the next set of tits.

Gotta love "courting" in the 21st century :)

Take care,
RE

"eat drink and be merry"

So on Friday I went out for my buddy's bday, bar-hopping in the College/Bathurst area. His bday was actually a few weeks ago, but due to conflicting schedules (myself included in the mix) yesterday was the best night to go.

1st stop was the pint-sized pocket Cloak and Dagger pub. It basically fits about 40 people TOPS (incl. standing room at the bar). I really like the intimate space and traiditonal feel, however this pulled a drastic 180 degrees when they had a pounding acoustic alt-country trio playing Slayer covers... and having the female keyboardist/singer coming off stage and jumping in the seats to sing w/the crowd as the finale to their set.

Anyway, after leaving there we hit up Cobalt, a cocktail lounge/bar in the area for some more space as more friends trickled in. From there we tried to hit up Andy Poolhall's, but the line wasn't moving and we ended up at Sneaky Dee's. Oh Sneaky Dee's. Can't go wrong w/a place that sells mixed drinks for $2.99 in Toronto. And has the kitchen open past 2AM!

Taking a cab home there was a vile stench which raced through the car. The Cabbie opened the window. My buddy asks if i farted, which I denied followed by his own reciprocation of denial from the act.

"Woah, Must be the cab driver!" My buddy concluded.

The cab driver then proceeded to unload in a harsh accent all this crap about how cabbies "have it bad" and how they "always get this". He vehemently denied farting and blamed the "smelly sewers in this city".

I guess we could have shut up, but my buddy (never one to let go of an argument, life or death), accuses the cabbie of lying. "Face up to it man, it's no problem. We all have our natural gases".

Of course the Cabbie's emotional pot bubbled over; He ranted about how my buddy is a typical privledged, white kid who doesn't respect hard working people.

Ah yes, the race card. Lovely. Will this poker hand clear the house? Not while my buddy can do something about it.

And so my buddy fires back full throttle about shit like "learn to own up to your actions," "Whatever, I'm 27 (actually he's 26 but who's counting - for the purposes of this arugment a year off doesn't affect the validity of the statement) and I work a job that probably pays less than this" and "if this is something that is bothering you, then i can leave the car right now".

That was the the kicker. Cabbie pulls over at University and College (yep, we haven't even gotten that far) and says to get out. "I'm not paying though if you're going to throw me out". Cabbie then says he's calling the police b/c he won't pay the $5.50 fare, and then dispatches them.

What he gets is a guy replying back, "For non-emergency incidents, call (416) XXX-XXXX". Heh. Busted. But even if we get the fake "taxi security with badges" type, it'll still be a waste of time. I didn't want to sit there for an hour or whatever dealing with this shit. Especially over a fart.

So I stepped in a told the guy that we didn't want trouble, and I would pay the fare if he drove us home. My buddy then added that he demands his right to a quiet ride and kept "shushing" him as the cabbie made any noise (eg. whisper dispatch stuff).. all the way home.

Actually that was pretty funny... Cabbie never did blow up after that.

BUT as we left and my buddy got out, cabbie then has a heart to heart with me... Oh man. He opens up about his situation and how he's not like this, and that the sewers are really like this and the car sucks up the smell.. and I (apparently he has a connection b/c i'm non-white) should understand how hard it is being a cabbie.

Honestly, OK, my buddy was a bit rude vocally accusing the cabbie of farting (it wasn't directed at the cabbie - he actually said the comment to me), but man, the cabbie took it way to personal. If you're a cabbie and your taking fares at 3AM on a Friday night downtown, you've gotta expect younger people to be in the cab and a little intoxicated. I guess I gotta watch out for cabbies in army pants. They're unstable! I just think he's gotta lighten up. It's a fart man..

Course, provoking and prodding a sensitive cabbie doesn't help the situation :)

Cheers,

RE

"eat drink and be merry"