So I just spent a few hours with a friend of mine whom I've known for probably 2 years now. Seeing that I've been at school for the past few years, I didn't get to know him well. Anyway, he plays guitar as well, so we decided to get together to jam for a bit with my band mate. It was a fun time, b/c he played some of our songs on bass. It was great to hear some of the songs more filled out!

What really killed me is our conversation to and from the band practice. See, this person is a very unique individual whom I’ve watched really blossom and find himself over the years. When he first came out, his name was short for a female name (for example Andy for Andrea). To be honest, when I first met Andy (let's call this person that name for confidentiality) I was unsure of whether he was a guy or girl. The short form for the name didn't help either, seeing that it was quite androgynous. Anyway, after a brief meeting I realized that Andy was a bio female, and I made the assumption that Andy was therefore Lesbian, since she liked women...

But I was wrong.

Andy is in fact Trans. Now, I am still quite new to the Queer Transsexual community, so pls forgive my ignorant use of nomenclature describing it all, b/c these labels can get quite specific and confusing for me! Andy is in fact a FTM (Female to Male) individual, who is in the middle of transitioning by taking "T" (testosterone) as well as many exercises to transition into being male. I believe he will be beginning taking T soon, which I’m sure is something very scary and terrifying to deal with.

You may wonder, "Why would someone do this?" I'm no expert, but from my perspective, imagine feeling wrong your whole life, feeling that you want to be identified as the other sex, constantly having to flip flop from each gender in order to fit into society. Rather than enduring an identify crisis your entire life, then it makes sense to go through an intensive overhaul of mind and body to finally find your true self.

I realized that I took for granted being and feeling totally MALE. It's like how many heterosexuals, after meeting queer people, realize how they just took for granted their sexuality. In their childhood they could easily say "wow, that boy is hot" with their friends, easily go and buy gendered magazines, flirt with those of the opposite sex, talk to their friends and bond over their similar sexuality. It's the same thing here.

Coming out... again.
It's hard enough coming out in our society. People who are trans have to come out TWICE. Once to the general society, then again to the queer community. Holy shit man! And what's worse, is that you get the same discrimination, hate, intolerance from the gays and lesbians than as we do from the rest of society. You think we would know better eh? Apparently not. And man, if the gays and lesbians don't "get it", then it's not like they can try the general society route, since they're still grappling on the concept of "a boy can like a boy?" , "omg, my daughter is a lesbian!" and gay marriage.

The feminist movement has shown an anti-trans attitude as well. Some radical feminists have gone out and told FTM's that they outright disown the feminist movement since according to them they are female and want to get a dick. I don't know what to say to that, really.

I know it's hard to wrap your head around it all. But Andy put it in perspective when he told me that like the concept of Queer, the concept of Trans is an umbrella term for his entire community. This can range from Transgender to Transsexual. It can go as far as describing a Tom Boy, since that is a bio female who shows male gendered characteristics. And, oh my gosh, this could thus mean that even some butch lesbians could technically be trans too!

OH THE SHAME! OH NO! The Feminist movement will go to pieces! What will we do?? ...

Celebrate it. Learn and try and understand. If we expect the general society to understand us, then we should have the decency to do the same for them.

Internalized Fears....
It's clear than trans is NOT some fucked group that shares no characteristics with the queer community. It all overlaps...So deal with it! I hear from some gay men and a few lesbians telling me "oh Robb, when you're with them, watch out for what you say. Don't say this and this and make sure you identify them as this and this.. OR ELSE!!"

These pep talks only amassed to an internalized fear within me whenever I met anyone self-identified as Trans. I was paranoid of what I would say and if they would cut my dick off for saying the wrong things. Or even worse, they'd then think I’m this ignorant idiot that doesn’t know anything about queer sexuality, and become really condescending to me about the community.

...Broken!...
But in actual fact, my experience thus far as been incredible. Sure, I don't know all the terms, identification or truly understand what they're going through, but I can't b/c I’m not going through it myself... I can at least try to understand as much as I can, and help to spread the more positive things about the community to others. Sure, the trans community can get complicated, catty and stuck-up, but those terms could easily describe the queer community in general. What about youth groups, film groups, musician networks, or even political parties? We still give them credit (although the political parties one is arguable!) So why focus on the negatives?

The insufferable cruelty to trans and bisexuals within the community has got to stop. Forgive me for my soap box speech, but it's just disgusting to see how little time the community has in trying to understand an entire group under the Queer umbrella. It seems that they're just too busy trying to get their own identification or busy constructing a colourful flag for themselves. Wow, we have a 'bear' flag, and in fact an history behind the flag. Woopie do. Rather than breaking down the term Queer down to mini groups (e.g. cubs, diesel dykes, twinks, lipstick lesbians), let's try and focus on uniting them all and bringing everyone together.

...but still with a ounces of insecurity
I must say though, even through the walls are falling and I'm starting to get a small grasp on it, i still feel a bit intimidated around the trans community. When I'm deep in the fold, i can get lost in all the terms and double name references, and cliquey nature especially when everyone is going at lightning speed. But I do understand why i can be like a clique b/c of all the discrimination outside of them; they want to remain strong within themselves. Sometimes i have felt left out or like some "stupid gay guy", but i think with time that will start to go away. Just as I am making an effort to understand, i hope that the trans community will be open to new people and take time to let us into their lives to we can better understand each other.

I was originally planning on becoming a facilitator for T.E.A.C.H., however, I am not a TEEN so i could only become a support staff for the team. At the time I was considering volunteering for a food bank, but both fell through and i'm left not volunteering at all. I suppose i should give that route another shot, or at least volunteering in general. Any good organizations (queer oriented or not) that you can think of? May be planned parenthood or back at that food bank.. hm..

Let's hope in the future it won't be as bad as it is now for the community...

Take care,

RE

"Their eyes are all asking
'Are you in, or are you out?'
And I think, oh man, what is this about?
Tonight you can't put me upon any shelf
'Cause I came here alone,
I'm gonna leave by myself"
-ani difranco