Today I'd like to write about yet another frustration that I’m finding over the internet. It won't be as edgy and belligerent as my "Why MSN smells like the bathroom once I've had a litre of milk and muchos natchos @ the Green Room", but it should still prove to be a good read.

Now, I love meeting people, gaining new perspectives and ideas from a diverse crowd of people are what really get me going. With the widespread adoption of Internet in North America, I thought that this would be yet another great medium for meeting and talking with people at a greater scale.

Unfortunately, I’m finding that meeting people, specifically with meeting people for the sake of meeting new friends is quite slim. So far I’ve come to finding that ppl just talk for a one night stand, a full relationship or beginning the friendship with the hope that it will turn into something more.

In the gay world, I’m finding it much worse. What's up with these horny guys? Ok, that's sound hypocritical, since I must say I can get quite sexual at times, but geeze, when I ask about your favourite band, is it some kind of subtle cue to you that I want of piece of your ass? May be I just want to engage in conversation, for the sake of conversation?

Don't get me wrong. It can be a fun talking to someone who is good looking, or you have some attraction to. And I know of many ppl who have had successful relationships sprung from meeting online. That's great to hear, but sometimes I’m just looking to talk. Sure, may be, just may be something may happen the future, but I’m HONESTLY not working toward it, or thinking that it's a "work in progress" project.

Anyway, here's the typical cycle from regained optimism to run like the lilles in fear of your life and swearing never to do it again:

Step 1: Weed the hornies (well, at least the obvious ones) Whenever I get in this "hey, may be I can find some cool ppl online to chat with" naive state, I start to go and read some profiles at the usual places. Prelim scanning is quite easy. Automatically delete/cut/pass on the "btm 4 top" or "seeing daddy" headlines, or profiles with pictures of ppl with their shirts off. Sadly, there's not much left.

Step 2: Skim the profiles. From there, round two would include actually reading the profiles. Some again are just looking for that "better half" "long lost love", which can be a disaster if you message them and they think you're interested. I usually don't respond to those who are only talking about finding that other, since that basically tells me that's the entire purpose for posting. I kind of like that, at least their being honest on what they're looking for, and thus prevent any issues like the ones that I’ll discuss now.

Step 3: Run and engage in swift MSN blocking after realizing your critical mistake and the sheer idiocy of your actions. Where I have problems are the profiles that seem very genuine about looking to chat for fun. Sounds great, since I’ll write to ones that I have something in common with, or find something that they've written which is humorous, intriguing or something I relate with. Sometimes they're partnered, sometimes single. To be honest, the partnered ones are harder to chat with, which is kind of funny, but they're usually not very talkative at all.

I now even preface the message with "hey there, I’m just looking to meet friends and I noticed that _____ ". Sounds harmless and genuine right? Apparently some people need to get their eyes checked, since some think that's some kind of booty call: "You play guitar? That’s amazing me too, now take your close off and bend over!" OI!!!

I've been offered private phone numbers, tickets to Florida, China (!--ok, that was a hilarious ploy to get me at their house), addresses, sappy poetry, lyrics, quotations from Robert Frost, self decriptions of "absolute depression" and "crying softly" lonliness, you name it. A recent one is an edited photo of me with a starburst light above my head, with the message: "that's me, your guardian angel. But we're just friends". Hello? I just met you THAT night, from ONE message and a few random instant messages that focused on trying to immediately meet up and get my phone number to talk... at 4 a.m. that night. You may be a good guy underneath it all, but cmon here, how can i NOT be thinking you want more?! It takes balls to do that kind of stuff, and as a friend pointed out, it's probably... blue balls!

Does everything need to go so fast? Am I just some old giant that is always slow to get on the roller coaster ride? For those you don't know, my greatest enemy at Canada's Wonderland are the swings, so I’m definitely not up for 2 week lesbian u-haul relationships just as yet (no offense to the numerous lesbian relationships where partners graduated through the hibernation process at a rapid pace by moving into each other's spaces and leaving friends without a trace until a dramatic cataclysm break up 2 weeks later).

I know that my "type" is a dime a dozen, and you can find many other slim and toned Asians out there, so I just don't get it. I have found a few great people to talk to, some of which are older, younger, wiser, immature, and even good looking :). It's quite funny meeting all these new people, whether digitally or physically, and who knows what's in store for me next!

Take care,

RE

"eat drink and be merry"